Member Blogs > Kristian Strom, BooksellerThe Worst CD Cover Art in the History of Music

  • Tue, 28 Aug 2012 03:50:26    Permalink
    Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you "the album" by Bernard Ghetz, not to be confused with vigilante justice advocate Bernhard Goetz.  Goetz was infamous for shooting four alleged muggers on a New York City Subway train in 1984, and I can only imagine that this Corel clip art is some kind of homage to that violent episode.  Produced sometime in the 90's by Headkrack records, this album cover is absolutely horrendous, not to mention horrifying.  I can only imagine poor Bernard getting the call from the distribution company who pressed the CDs- "Hey bud, we've got fifteen minutes before the discs go to print and we still don't have that email with the cover art.  Do you think you can put something together real quick?"  Poor Bernard, having no formal training and only a dial-up Internet connection, whipped up a double gun toting stick figure (or is that one gun and one knife?), a few stick victims surrounded in pools of blood and some dotted lines in the background for effect.  He also had a tough time coming up with the album name, and finally decided on "the album."



    I come across some pretty interesting items in my bookscouting adventures and enjoy sharing some of the more humorous or disturbing ones.  Here are two more album covers that nearly missed the cut, along with a link to some of the more horrendous vinyl album covers in history.

      Hardhead "Enter At Your Own Risk""Check out the solid gold dollar sign trophy on my ultra-modern clear glass end table.  I bought them at a yard sale for $3, but doesn't it make me look like a Grammy winning artist?"  said Hardhead after returning home from getting his flat top serviced.  Listen to this at your own risk.


    H.Maxx "Don't Take Me 1/2 Way"I think the grammar might be what bothers me the most, aside from the stirring graphic of the ring dripping in gold which is floating in the ocean behind H.Maxx, who is narrowly escaping being struck by lightning.  The front cover reads, "Dedicated to all my fans and this album could not have been made without your love and support."  That is clearly two sentences combined into one, or at least don't be afraid to use a hyphen H. Maxx!  Track titles are similarly frustrating: "Don't Take Me 1/2 Way" (would writing out the world "half" take away from your mystique?), "I Wanna Get Inside" (of what?), "Goodbye Prelude" (isn't that an oxymoron?), "Don't Wanna See U Cry" (it's too late) and many, many more.  I would also like to note that his managers phone number is listed on the back cover with a note that reads "Voice Mail Only" as if the phone is so busy with requests, fan messages and booking engagements that there would be no way possible to answer every call.
    What is the most horrendous album cover you've ever had the pleasure of discovering?
    For any future white elephant participant or collector of incompetent graphic design schemes, I will gladly ship the lot of 3 CDs to you at no charge, just reply in the comments section below and they are yours! 



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